The Project Bowl

New Projects

2005-05-17T23:44:00.000-07:00

Old faces and new places... as you may have picked up from Va-va's post earlier, things have been busy over here and we can now reveal why... this site is relocating and can be found:

http://projectbowl.blogs.com/

Please up date your links, we are still in the process of moving and sorting out the furniture but all your fave blogging (and more) can be found over there... so off you trundle you cheeky wee monkies! ;)

Edit: Official housewarming party over there coming soon! ;)

Hot dates!

2005-05-16T14:02:00.000-07:00

She has a way with words and simply can explain a day better than I could ever manage to try... so I will point you in the direction of Va-va's blog (it includes piccies!) and contains all the details about what happened on a really really cute date Stiggy and Va-va had on Sunday... go have a read and get very jealous ;) Ahem!

Barbie Style

2005-05-15T23:12:00.000-07:00

Caught in the act! Va-va's barbie, Gwen, gets it doggie-style from Smooch when the Voom isn't watching...

25 Word Challenge

2005-05-14T17:33:00.000-07:00

Found here. Go there now. Thank you.

Need I say more?

Food Aid Packages!!!

2005-05-13T16:17:00.000-07:00

What a week! Yesterday the second of two packages arrived and it was from fellow blogger Kate:

And contained in the package were four boxes of...

Yummy!! But if that wasn't food enough for thought... Silk sent us food from across the pond in a stockpile package:

So those at the Project Bowl are going to pile on the pounds this weekend! Hoorah!

Car sex anyone?

2005-05-13T10:59:00.000-07:00

Well if you are thinking of attempting this then you should make a note of this web site which could be considered the Ultimate Guide to Car Sex... maybe... fun cartoon drawings too! (Not for kids!)

Project Bowl Search News

2005-05-13T10:13:00.000-07:00

It is always fun to see what people were searching for on google when they stumbled upon The Project Bowl, here are the latest hits from this week:

1. Art of the Saber (or variations there of) [30 searches]
2. muff diving club donegal [2 searches!!! 1 from australia and 1 from ireland]
3. puffy [2 searches]
4. +free phone tune itchy and scrat [1 search]
5. hot chocolate whores [1 search]
6. "tomorrow's just a future yesterday" [1 search]

I mean to say... wtf? Ok, the odd hit on hot chocolate whores could possibly happen... but what the heck...? Muff diving club donegal?

Star Wars Toonie

2005-05-13T09:12:00.000-07:00

It's a well-known belief that your life flashes before your eyes when you die... apparently it is the same for Stormtroopers. Check out this hilarious cartoon!

The Men's Club: Puff's Retort # 8

2005-05-12T21:53:00.000-07:00

Apologies for being two days overdue with this article but there was a lot of research required. Ahem. The subject (as regulars will be aware from the other articles posted in the series) is on stripping. For those that know me well understand I am of class and style and I am not the fish which can be found at one of those seedy strip joints. Far to tacky for me - a personal feeling and belief not held by many males. After all, let's face it, the women wear something similar to this:

and there is very little to strip off before the show is 'over'. These places are more suited to a laughable night out and, I have discovered, are usually more amusing when attended with your girls pals who sit there beside the guys laughing at the tarts who are trying to be raunchy.

No, this is not sexy to me but merely an amusing night out and not much more. Va-va is rumored to have planned an excursion into the big smoke with Stiggy and La-la at some point for such amusements and I am sure a report will feature on all sides with comments on just what the places was like and how tacky the women are.

I am of the belief that the best 'sex' in the movie - the most erotic scenes - are not those when people are naked or are actually 'doing it' but where the actors and actresses do not bare all rather leave it to the mind to fill in the blanks...

A woman's shoulders are the front lines of her mystique, and her neck, if she's alive, has all the mystery of a border town. A no-man's land in that battle between the mind and the body.
Al Pacino, The Devil's Advocate

Grace Kelly and Audrey Hepburn are two fine examples of women who maintain some of the highest sex appeal in the industry and yet never got shagbusted on screen. Charlize Thereon was ultimately her most sexy in The Italian Job... and there were no jobs given in that movie other than stealing gold.

One of the greatest powers a woman has over a man is playing with his mind. Give him a view of 'everything' and you lose a great deal of that power. Wear something seductive, not too revealing and make the 'show' last and there will be far more satisfaction on all sides. Ahem.

So a strip show is best, in my humble opinion, kept behind closed doors between two individuals that are in a relationship... provided it is done in front of the aquarium...

Long elbow length gloves are essential. Revealing those sexy shoulders becomes an indispensable weapon. What most women walk out with in a strip joint should be kept for a later round - unless 'slutty' is what is being aimed for.

You see, for those that are slow learners and not picking up on what I am saying here, stripping isn't for the club but teasing foreplay between a couple... so play with your man through the night. You can't walk through the streets dressed in something such as shown above without getting handcuffed... one way or the other.

Wear something like this, however, with long gloves and sexy shoes, and the man will be wanting you - particularly if you follow the steps given below - and he will enjoy YOUR show more than any club... and you will also reap the harvest, so to speak.

I know what you are thinking. This is too classy for a strip show. You would be wrong. Very wrong. Take him home to start the 'show' after a night of a little wine and nightlife. I do not suggest something like Fatboy Slim's Gangster Tripping to be considered strip music (unless at a club) but the music is important as to what happens next so cue it up on your CD player before you go out...

The music (NOT the outfit) will actually determine what kind of strip it is going to be. There are two types of classy strip: A show to watch or an 'audience participation' show. Both are very exciting but the latter is often overlooked on both sides as being a strip show.

For the show to watch then something slower like #1 Crush by Garbage (as per Va-va's suggestion) would be recommended. This would fit in well with what is considered the entertaining show where the gent sits back and watches the lady remove items of clothing, perhaps teasing him with items removed...

However the 'involved strip' is a wild and pro-active event on both sides. The throwing of bodies against walls as hands move over the body... biting... tugging of hair... biting... kissing... more biting... and this is before any item of clothing has been removed.

Ventilador Rumba-80 by Ojos de Brujo becomes a suitable track to be playing. The strip no longer becomes a show just for the guy but for the woman also to enjoy. The gentleman should be wearing something like this:

Clooney stubble is recommend as long as it isn't sharp but there is just enough to gently tickle the lady's body without it being an irritation to her:

Shoes to match the girls dress should be something like this, which give the desired flare and sex appeal and will shimmer as you both trip the light fandoozie around the room...

Dance around the room a little with each other, more body throwing against the walls as hands move over each others body and a piece of clothing can slowly be removed. Taking it in turns with the kissing of the neck, shoulders and any part of the body that is suddenly exposed. You need to build up the pace and keep the momentum going. Help each other with the removal of clothing, slowly and not rushing it as often done during normal 'sex'. This is a strip show - don't forget that or get too carried away... just yet! ;)

With a soft dress as shown, the man can stand behind the woman and kissing the back of her neck and those deadly shoulders whilst he gently holds her hips as she lets her body press against his body and slides down giving the dress a chance to slip up her thighs ... very arousing and revealing... and just when you want to take it off, just when everything is about to be exposed...

Throw him against the wall, bite, caress, kiss, scratch and bite some more then run your fingers across his body... it is now time to remove his tie...

...you get the idea, right? ;)

You can see the photo of the gent was taken just after this moment as he has no tie.

"But this isn't what we call a stripshow!" I hear you cry... then you have no real distinction in class, style and finesse, say I.

To enhance the experience I suggest candlelight so that after the strip (or during if you have a lot of cash and the clothes are of no value to you) and before the sex (that is called the foreplay, gentlemen) there are opportunities for dripping hot wax on the skin as well as running ice-cubes across the curves of the lady's body...

An ice-bucket is suggested to keep the cubes in lest your flatmate hear you having to subtly run to the freezer to get more...

...and be careful when tossing off the bra not to ignite it in the candle flame!

All in all, for me, that makes a far more enjoyable striptease as there is more than just the visual teasing involved. This way there is an arousing hands on approach.

To mis-quote John Milton (Al Pacino) from the movie The Devil's Advocate, you need to play with each other's instincts for the ultimate experience:

Let me give you a little inside information about God. He gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift, and then what does He do... He sets the rules in opposition... Look but don't touch. Touch, but don't taste. Taste, but don't swallow...

Enjoy the show, get involved and it will be a night to remember on both sides... and no amount of money at any club could ever pay for something as mind blowing as you will experience!

If you have missed the other articles in this series you can find them here:

Chrissy Casts Off, Sadie Strips, Kathy Knocks Off, Silk Sheds, Michelle reMoves, Wizard Watches, Phin Peers, Zonker Zings

Special thanks to Va-va for researching the images.

Do you want bigger breasts?

2005-05-12T11:21:00.000-07:00

I'm talking to the ladies here, not the gents.

Va-va Voom discovered recently that you don't need those gimmick breast enhancing pills nor surgery. Save your pennies folks, how she grew her breast size in just THREE days can be found on her blog. I kid you not!

"Not possible!" I hear the masses cry.

"Chah!" I reply with a scornful tone, I have seen the evidence... more on this over at Va-va's place.

Note: This is work safe before you seedy-minded cheeky wee monkeys think you are going to get a view of them!

Project Bowl Mandates

2005-05-12T08:15:00.000-07:00

Posting:
1. I post because I want to not because I have to.
2. I post therefore I am.
3. I post, I read, I conquer.
4. I may have quiet days (like yesterday) because real life happens. Real life does not get in the way of blogging - real life is what I live.
5. I do not blog to get away from the real world. The real world to me is an awesome place. If you have not seen the sky for a few days I suggest you get out, enjoy the taste of air and then come back and blog something you experienced.
6. Articles and entries are all based on truth, are kept as close to the truth as possible although names are sometimes withheld and artistic license sometimes applies merely because I really am a blogging fish.
7. All work is original unless otherwise stated. I will credit where possible. If I have not credited - email me with evidence and I will credit you and possibly more.
8. I have a couple of lawyer friends who blog. Do not mess with me lest I become the messie.
9. Sometimes I will blog more than 6 entries in a day. I was probably inspired by something I read, saw or heard and felt an urge to blog. There is no limit to what I can blog.
10. Not everything I blog you will like. That is because you are not me. I do not expect you to like everything I blog.

Linking:
1. I do not believe in reciprocal links.
2. If I link to you in the side bar it is because I read your site at least once a week but, more likely, I actually read your site more than once a day.
3. If I refer to your site in a blog entry it will be in relation to a unique post which will point only to that post.
4. In circumstances where I know the bloggers and I refer to them by name, handle or site title as a passing comment I will link to the main site, not a specific post as outlined in point 3.
5. You cannot pay me enough to link to your blog. I link because I want to.
6. Because I link to your blog in an entry does not mean I read your site, like your site, find your site attractive. It does not mean I will link to your site in my side bar.
7. Because I don't link to your blog in my side bar does not mean I do not read or visit your blog. I do not update the template on a daily basis and when I do I may not always add links. Some sites I vet for a few weeks before I add. I only add links that are of quality and liking to me.
8. Beg for a link in an email and you are likely to be ignored.
9. Beg for a link in a comment and other readers of my blog will see you are a moron and probably not touch your site with a barge pole.
10. Comment begging is on a par with link begging. Do not do it.

Miscellaneous Notes:
1. I am not a Jedi but I like to practice mind control as taught by Obi-wan.
2. Va-va is the sexiest woman alive and she is hot.
3. If you speak ill of any lady, you are not a gentleman and if I see you I will take you down a peg or two. Respect women, respect children, respect your elders and maybe you have chance of not being a jerk.
4. If you have a problem with me and want to blog about it, please do the kindness to let me know via email that you are bitching about me. I would like to point you in the direction of my disclaimer though. Read it and accept it.
5. I do not have a problem with people who write nasty things about me in their blog. I would like to thank them for the free publicity though. Do not expect me to flame you back, I understand and respect other people's opinions.
6. Other people's opinions are often wrong, but I respect them.
7. I like Sloppy Joe's.

I'm lost for words...

2005-05-10T00:10:00.000-07:00

...and just hope I will be able to sleep after seeing this... too hilarious for words - go take a look at this image!

Screen Grab Rant of the Day #7

2005-05-09T13:28:00.000-07:00

So I totter over to see what this is great 'new' blog is about... I am greeted with the words in the title banner: The Huffington Post - Delivering News and Opinion Since May 9, 2005.

I stop and think... in the mid-~~life~~ morning crisis I had this morning at Panera (see previous entry) did I suddenly age rapidly? Did I shoot forward in time? Is it now back to the future?

I check the calendar. No, today is May 9, 2005.

[Insert cartoon double take here. Ahem]

So this new blog bravely and proudly announces (in a typical celebritized pompous, arrogant and obnoxious style) that its writings should be noted and respected. That you should sit up and consume the authors words to become satisfied with life.

It promises something fresh yet all I can smell from here are stale words and rotting thoughts. Of all of these guest writers I am both shocked and disappointed at Ellen being involved. Why would Miss DeGeneres, a comic genius that knows how to phrase so eloquently, stoop and lower herself to such a... gimmick?

A dark day indeed.

No, I prefer those celebs who don't think of themselves as better than others in their blogations, but do it, like the rest of us mere mortals, for the real reason...

Should I pause for breath before I give what the motivation of blogging is? The simultaneous emotional occurrence extraordinary influential feeling that makes me fight to find the fuel that fire my flame and passion for writing? Perhaps the writers of The Humpington Post [sic] actually lowered themselves to read the words of a mere blogging fish in a hope they can gain some insight as to how they are fucking up the mix...

Well, you know what, I won't give the answer here dammit. Because you - the real bloggers of this world - you know why! And if you are from The Huffalumpton Post and want to know the answer: email me and I will tell you for a small consultation fee.

Thank you Wil Wheaton and David Duchovny for at least showing us there are some celeb bloggers out there who are, in fact, worthy of such a title.

As for me, though, the real celebrity bloggers are the likes of my lawyer Sadie and my cake baker Kathy.

And for humorous posterity... let's see that obnoxious moment one more time:

Ever have one of those moments

2005-05-09T08:19:00.000-07:00

...one of those moments when you just ponder what life is really about? Sitting in Panera this morning I noticed an elderly gentleman walk in with a World War II uniform in one hand and a box in the other. It seems he has written a book (Shavetail - The Odyssey of an Infantry Lieutenant in World War II by William L Devitt) and is making an 'appearance' in a hope to generate more sales.

The simple act of him turning up and sitting at his table alone with his books, looking around in a hope that someone would buy one, made my mind ponder... what is this life all about?

Maybe I'm getting old or just having a Monday morning moment, but what does this life add up to and who will remember us tomorrow when we are gone?

As bloggers we, perhaps, have an advantage of leaving behind more memories than those who have gone before. With the dawn of the digital revolution people can watch, read and view our lives time and time again.

But the world eternally spins and we are at the mercy of time... as far as I can make out (in my many years of traveling and experiencing the bittersweet world) we need to live for the moment, enjoy what we have, who we are with and remember those who have gone before. Look to history only to learn from its mistakes, look to the future in search of happiness. People say they don't have high expectations or hopes in life meaning they will never be disappointed, but I think unless you reach for the moon you will never really experience the greater good of life because you will only settle for second best.

A hot chocolate wouldn't go a-miss right now either. ;)

A quiet day

2005-05-08T09:58:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had a quite day away from blogging. A moment of stillness which I think was much needed. Actually, I tell a wee fib. I geeked out with my new Waterproof Apple Mac and it is damn good fun!

Stiggy geeked out with a new camera and took this (long overdue and much demanded) photo of me! :) To my right is Francisco and above me swimming out of view is Spot.

If I was on TV...

2005-05-06T12:45:00.000-07:00

I just started pondering, if you were famous and invited onto a TV talk show (Letterman, Late Late with Craig, Ellen, Leno etc) what would:

1. You want as the music to be playing for you as you appear from behind the screen and why?
2. What would you wear and why?
3. What one question would you want them to ask, why and what would your answer be?

I'm posing these questions to The Wizard, KateSpot and Va-va to answer on their blogs. Once they answer they can then tag three more bloggers. Have fun with your famous five minutes!

Thinking about this... Kate is obviously a seasoned professional having been interviewed by CNN :P

Holy Grail!

2005-05-06T12:19:00.000-07:00

That is one fucking huge Python...

Hooker University

2005-05-06T11:31:00.000-07:00

A day of classes for sex workers, called Whores College, has been held in San Francisco...

But seriously, if you even considered attending, would you take lessons from this woman?

So all you who know that fucking annoying commercial on TV for National American University, feel free to sing the new lyrics to the tune: Get your degree, set yourself free and the LA Prostitute University.

(Almost) Daily Surf Selection - May 06th, '05

2005-05-06T09:29:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since we have run this feature but today there is a bunch up for grabs for hat-tipping which I have found in my surf this morning...

The Wizard offers up an open letter which bounced into his inspiration like a bouncy boob from the direction of Spidey to this lass.

WillBoy seemed a little miffed by a comment made at a gas station and despite it being a tad rude, La-la suggested that perhaps it should seen it as a compliment.

Va-va wonders if anyone can guess where the location of this beach is.

Sadie mulls over if Fistful of Fortnights could be labeled a sex blog (and hopes not) and I would concur. It isn't However it is a sexy author blog and that is a label she couldn't escape from.

Silk tells the sad story of the departure of her mad dog and as much as the mutt scares the shit out of me, it really cannot be blamed for biting anyone who's name is Mavis.

Feisty announces she is moving to new digs and wants thoughts on just what image of her we should have. I know what image I have. Ahem. Just saying. She isn't the only hot chick trying to make decisions though as Kate tries to weigh up the options: PDA or Camera and asks for help.

My fellow fish from the Men's Club, Phin, tackles the Jennifer Wilbanks runaway moment once and for all whilst the other MC gent, Zonker, provided me with chuckles yesterday when I read this observation.

Satellite Fun found this great image on Google's satellite image search engine. But I must question the presentation of the particular rock. Ahem.

I enjoy viewing photoblogs as a picture can say so much. Joel's latest at écoute s'il pleut triggered my brain to ponder in its screwball way it is famous for: Seriously, should ironing board covers really be so bright and colorful? If you have small kids they are just going to want to grab at it and play but with an iron and scissors sitting on top you are asking for trouble!

I knew it wouldn't take too long but I didn't expect it quite so quick. When I read at PSP Garden this morning that crackers have hacked the system's UMD lock already I wonder how Sony will react.

Flying by with a quiche...

2005-05-05T16:11:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know - terrible and old old pun, but this is just a quickie as we are all taking a drive out tonight to see some of Va-va's friends make an ass of themselves singing in her old hometown karaoke contest.

Thankfully her hometown isn't Eerie Indiana!

Thanks for all those who participated in Random Word of the Moment! I hope you all enjoyed it and I think it is a great idea so hopefully we can spread it around and get people all over the globe doing nutty things! We'll have another tomorrow which I will publish when we get back from the singing bar tonight!

Happy Cinco de Mayo day folks!

Random Word of the Moment #1

2005-05-04T22:00:00.000-07:00

Here is a fun and daft idea I came up with today: Random Word of the Moment or RWotM. I will give the RWotM here on this blog and the task is to try and use it at some point during the day in real life as you go about your business. You might walk into a store and ask for whatever the word is or pretend to have tourettes and shout it out in the middle of the street (of course I'm sure some of you might not need to pretend you have it). You could say it to your boss or just insert it into conversation at a random point - being sure not to skip a single beat so to arouse any suspicion that you said a weird and wonderful word.

Once you have completed the task, tell us about it in the comments section of this post and let us know just how you used the word and what reaction you received!

So the word for today, Thursday 5th May is: Monkeynuts!

Screen Grab of the Day #6

2005-05-04T11:49:00.000-07:00

I was just organizing, mending, fixing, improving and setting up The Portal (new subject matter yet to be confirmed but expect a whole lot of everything and more besides) and installed a new script. I then randomly checked Jamesboy's profile. Interesting stats... I guess that is what you call dedication! :)

Membership is free, content will be aimed at what the punters demand. Feel free to sign up if you haven't already! :)

Donor time...

2005-05-04T07:51:00.000-07:00

Thank Your Lucky Stars...

2005-05-04T06:44:00.000-07:00

...that you are not a bee. 99% of all male bees die virgins as there are usually 25,000+ to one female. An interesting fact.

It seems the same is the case for young female tropical bee fish, Meja, who passed away in the tank this morning. Her tuma growth overtook her body and she will be missed!

An apology

2005-05-03T20:58:00.000-07:00

I'm going insane but I would like to make an apology to the delectable Ruth who blogged on the Divaesque/Men's Club subject earlier but I didn't link her in my post. This post is dedicated to you :)

Ruth: I'm sorry. An oversight on my part but I missed the notification that you had morphed to a new blogzone and I had been tearfully clicking your old link (in my side panel) only to get Not Found errors. I thought my connection was crapped out but THANKFULLY I have you now. Ahem. Everyone go read her blog. Bookmark her blog. Visit her blog daily. If not I will send Va-va over to shred your poorly tailored clothing. Just saying.

Asciimated Star Wars

2005-05-03T20:49:00.000-07:00

This is one Kathy might enjoy... the entire Star Wars movie (Episode IV) in Ascii. Frighteningly enough this person had FAR too much time on their hands.

Welcome to keyboarding help

2005-05-03T16:30:00.000-07:00

These words rolled over a loud speaker in the computer lab at Va-va's uni and the majority of people looked around in bewilderment wondering "where is that voice coming from" but it turned out to be some daftwitted lobe who had clicked the wrong button on their machine.

And these are supposed to be geeky individuals here... wtf?

What is smitten?

2005-05-03T13:01:00.000-07:00

If you have ever wondered what the meaning of the word is then you may want to read Va-va's latest blog as she covers this subject - ahem - perfectly well in her latest post. Ahem ahem.

The Men's Club: Puff's Retort # 7

2005-05-03T11:43:00.000-07:00

The Divas and The Men's Club are discussing cents today.

Well, ok, maybe not cents but scents. Let us look at the facts here: The unnatural scents cost cents and a damn good few of them too... and those expensive scents are really worth the hard earned cents and it makes sense to invest in some.

Smelling of bad scents, let's call it O'Naturale, makes no sense and there is nothing worse than that moment in the afternoon when Mr Sentz (apparently a popular name in the USA) staggers past the water cooler and hasn't used any sense to put on some kind of scent - even one of those cheap scents from Walmart which cost no more than a few cents. The stench of the body odour scent is sent right up the nose and is, quite frankly, insensitive to those around.

Now perhaps such folks' nostrils are desensitized to B.O. but I feel I must express my dissent regarding the lack of scent used. Of course, approaching this subject with them is quite an ascent as they may resent the fact you put in your two cents.

On the other side of the coin (which over here would be a cent) there are those who apply far too much scents (possibly because they have a lot of spare cents) and then they over equate the percentage ratio of scent to body mass.

I mean, surely it boils down to a simple case of Scents and Sensibility.

For more on this topic check out the ladies: Feisty, Kathy, Sadie and Silk
And the ~~cents~~ gents: Phin, The Wizard and Zonker.

New World Order?

2005-05-02T09:48:00.000-07:00

Google has a new view of the world. Those Europeans are null and void. Check the link yourself by zooming out all the way! In case they try and ~~fix~~ change this I have a little screen grab here ;)

Art of the Saber

2005-05-02T00:55:00.000-07:00

Anyone who likes short films, Star Wars, martial arts, good cinematography, emotionally charged music and unique story lines, get ready to click the link below.

This short film, inspired by George Lucas and the Star Wars saga, saw two brothers script, film, star in and produce this fantastic movie short. It is almost 6 minutes long and, is a 9mb download. I can tell you now it is TOTALLY worth it.

Unlike many spoofs such as The Star Wars Kid which has people laughing at the zero-plot or insanities of a saber wielding teenager, this movie is a lot more serious and intended to be that way. An internet movie of real quality!

Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce The Art of the Saber. Enjoy!

(Almost) Daily Surf Selection - May 01st, '05

2005-05-01T19:27:00.000-07:00

There are so many good blogs out there but sometimes pictures speak louder than words. Or, in this case, postcards. Not just any postcard though, but homemade ones published on a blog called PostSecret. Anyone can mail in their secret (anonymously of course) on a postcard they made themselves and every Sunday the blog owner scans and publishes them.

This blog is both heartbreaking and funny as people confess to secrets both which wrench at the heart and amuse the soul. Take a few moments out to enjoy this site and you will not be disappointed! I am so impressed/moved by this that it is the only blog that I'm putting in my selection tonight.

Who Am I?

2005-05-01T17:55:00.000-07:00

Meh. This is almost scary...

Your #1 Match: ENTJ
The Executive

You are a natural leader - with confidence and strength that inspires others. Driven to succeed, you are always looking for ways to gain, power, knowledge, and expertise. Sometimes you aren't the most considerate person, especially to those who are a bit slow. You are not easily intimidated - and you have a commanding, awe-inspiring presence.

You would make a great CEO, entrepreneur, or consultant.

Your #2 Match: ENTP
The Visionary

You are charming, outgoing, friendly. You make a good first impression. You possess good negotiating skills and can convince anyone of anything. Happy to be the center of attention, you love to tell stories and show off. You're very clever, but not disciplined enough to do well in structured environments.

You would make a great entrpreneur, marketing executive, or actor.

Your #3 Match: ENFJ
The Giver

You strive to maintain harmony in relationships, and usually succeed. Articulate and enthusiastic, you are good at making personal connections. Sometimes you idealize relationships too much - and end up being let down. You find the most energy and comfort in social situations ... where you shine.

You would make a good writer, human resources director, or psychologist.

What's Your Personality Type?

Hat tip: Va-va

Le bubbles

2005-05-01T17:14:00.000-07:00

Someone once said the world became a con when they started selling bottled water. If nobody said that then you can quote me. Yesterday, whilst on my aqua-travels, I discovered an O2 Bar. What do they sell there? Oxygen. Not just any old oxygen mind you but pure, healthy oxygen.

At first I thought it a gimmick - and indeed like many things in this world it probably is - but the science behind it makes sense. Apparently it is also good for a hangover.

Stigmata and Va-va both seemed intrigued to give it a go sometime in the near future. Suckers.

No literally... they will be oxygen suckers... geddit...? Do you? Gah! Never mind! :P

Screen Grab of the Day #5

2005-05-01T13:42:00.000-07:00

After reading about the deluge of spam on the notorious Mr Anderson's blog I couldn't help but think and laugh about the junk mail I have received in the last couple of days. You see, ever since I mentioned on this blog that the other Project Bowl tank houses a couple of Japanese Betta fighting fish, I have received no less than half a dozen e-mails written in Far-Eastern languages.

It could indeed be a coincidence but it tickled me none-the-less!

Mailbag: Part V

2005-05-01T10:17:00.000-07:00

Mail call time! And a couple of fun e-mails from fellow bloggers - take it away postie...

To: Puffy
From: Silk
Subject: sorry...

...but I couldnt resist. I saw this joke and thought about you.

What's Irish and comes out in the spring?
Paddy O'Furniture

Ok maybe it's not funny...but I'm cracking up...again...sorry lol

And then over to the man who has gone *shudder* fishing...

To: Puffy
From: The Wizard
Subject: I see....

I see your bing counter is at 69.......One of my favorite numbers...A-hem....

Charlie D is finally happy...

2005-04-30T13:46:00.000-07:00

...and so, by the looks of things, are Va-va and Stigmata. They constructed a climbing device for the ol' pirate crab so he could shimmy up from the waters below and bask in the sunlight and air. For the past few days he has attempted escapes from all sides of the tank and almost ended up in the filter or worse...

but today he found the frame and used it! Harr! We can all rest a little easier knowing he isn't going to be a marooned moron.

All in a birthday

2005-04-30T12:19:00.000-07:00

What Does Your Birthday Mean?

With a birthday on the 14th of the month (5 energy) you are inclined to work well with people and enjoy them.

You are talented and versatile, very good at presenting ideas, and you are also very good at organization and systematizing.

You may have a tendency to get itchy feet at times and need change and travel.

You tend to be very progressive, imaginative and adaptable.

Your mind is quick, clever and analytical.

A restlessness in your nature may make you a bit impatient and easily bored with routine, and rebel against it.

You have a tendency to shirk responsibility.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Almost totally true apart from the last line.... Wait, what do you mean I was meant to be baby sitting the guppies tonight... I totally planned on a night out... bah!

Hat tips: Kathy and Chrissy

Screen Grab of the Day # 4

2005-04-29T08:37:00.000-07:00

You want to own a life-size X-Wing?

Only available on e-bay (where else?) until April 30th. Reserve price: $85,000.

(Hat-tip: Alice)

Your thoughts please...

2005-04-29T08:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday saw changes on the copyright front. President Bush signed a law that makes it a crime to punishable by up to three years in a federal prison just for having a single copy of a prerelease movie or program in a shared folder. I'm sure you all have thoughts on this and I'm interested to know them from both a personal and professional perspective. Good, bad or ugly? I'm not asking for 'comments' here and if you would prefer to let me know what you think via E-mail then that would be fantastic, otherwise feel free to elucidate below.

Site Updates

2005-04-29T07:22:00.000-07:00

As you can see, I finally joined the Eco-system last night so it will be fun to see what I turn into once the site has propagated through the servers *rubs hands together*

Interesting facts about today located at the bottom of the right hand bar for your enjoyment.

Also added a few key links to the sidebars which are essential blog reading as well as the (long overdue) proper title for the LJers. Jeff will hopefully thank me now. Hopefully... :P

Can't see the changes? Hit F5

ISOU's annihilation

2005-04-28T16:59:00.000-07:00

The news that ISOU's server was cooked today spurred vociferation from my lips over at F*cked Up Fish. I'm not impressed. I suggest you read with caution - but read it you must!

Charlie D's Edible Eye

2005-04-28T15:19:00.000-07:00

Charlie D, the resident Project crab, is an entertaining chap who seems to dance around on his legs and eats from the ground. Now, I am not one to complain about the bad habits of other members of the Bowl but really, is chewing fish crap the way to behave to impress the ladies?

Well, listen up folks, apparently so. Whilst I was marveling at the leather rope which goes from the larger rock up and beyond the surface, I was joined by Spot and Francisco. Charlie D, believing it to be a portal into anther dimension, scuttered up the middle plant and perched himself delicately on the edge.

"Harr! There may be treasure at the end of thar rope!" the crab called in his typical uncooth pirate accent.

"No, itsth far too dangerousth!" wailed Francisco, checking himself out in the reflection of the upper waters, "thisth could be a thet up for a twap!"

"Harr! Outta the way me 'earties, I 'av no fear when it comes to danger" he replied, "out of me way, I'm gonna jump and climb, savvy?"

"I'm hungry!" muttered Spot, as his lips grew a little more. He flapped his fins and shot forward at an alarming rate knocking the plant.

"Dang an' blast ye!" yelled Charlie D, "I'm going to fall!"

The pirate crab tottered to and fro on the top end of the plant, holding on for dear life and trying to gain some balance. Finally we withdrew himself from the bumbling Spot to a little further down the plant into, shall we say, safer waters.

It wasn't long after this - as he sat watching the rope for a distance - when Aretha floated by behind him.

"Harr! Me eye! Me glass eye itches me so!" muttered Charlie D to himself wondering how he could scratch it without falling to the bottom of the tank.

Aretha swam by and thought his eye was food, snuck up and sucked his eye. For a brief moment his eye disappeared... then it popped back out again. I couldn't help but laugh at this most amusing sight and noticed they have now struck up a wee friendship. I wonder if this is just his cunning ploy to get with the ladies...

"Harr! Thankies m'lady, thankies, you are a fine lass t'be sure!"

Miss Forgetmenot

2005-04-28T15:10:00.000-07:00

I had three awesome posts I was going to make today. I pondered them as I was pottering around the fish bowl watching Spot grow lips.

I asked Va-va what it was I was going to post (in a hope that she could read my mind which she seems to be able to do with Stigmata over mating issues) and she said:

You were going to blog about:
1. How awesome I am
2. How awesome I am and
3. Oh yes, how awesome I am.

For those who have not realized it, Va-va Voom is awesome! ;)

John Craven's Newsround # 1

2005-04-28T07:18:00.000-07:00

Well, an interesting day yesterday to say the least. The Day of Random seemed to go down quite well and I will do a trail later of the all the words that featured across all the blogs which ran the game. All good fun and I think Phin's blog is the winner for the DoR which almost killed me because of the comical moments!

Yesterday the Project Bowl expanded with two female guppies Desi & Aretha. Young Francisco's hormones kicked in and has been flirting with them all night. I believe the phrase: "Hey darling, want to tickle your fins in the filter slip stream with me?" was used to woo one of them. We also have a mini aqua-frog in the bowl but I have not caught his name yet as he is playing hide and seek with CharlieD.

Va-va released a low-down on all of the fish (bar the latest additions) and characterised us all (yes, me too) and so go read it on her blog!

Across from our aquarium there is a new tank with two betta ninja fish, Kiet & Niran, who patrol the waters with the red gravel base. It is interesting to watch as they are divided because of their agressive nature. However, twice yesterday Niran managed to perform a ninja leap over the divider into Kiet's territory! Thankfully Stigmata and Va-va were on hand to stop it getting too nasty... but my money was on Niran as he kicks ass and looks a little faster! YEAH BABY!

More action from CharlieD as he continues to discover escape routes from the tank. Yesterday the crab with all the character had fun attempting to get into the filter and actually managed it twice. He still has yet to work out the cool rope slide Stigmata made for him. I guess he likes to dice with death like Niran, eh?

The Project Bowl is looking healthy, which is good, so hopefully we have seen the end of the nasty virus which struck out killing most fish last week. ~~Fingers~~ Fins crossed...

Day of Random

2005-04-27T21:59:00.000-07:00

azoic

Day of Random Rules - A QuickRecap:

2005-04-27T21:57:00.000-07:00

1. Post a single word comment in the thread above. Post ONLY one word and it is to be the first word that comes into your mind after reading the previously posted word.
2. Post a NEW entry on your blog containing a single word (any word you like) and get your readers to respond in the same way.
3. People can post more than one comment on a blog - but not in succession, someone else must have posted since their last.
4. Sit back and watch the randomness happen and see what words inspire what words.
5. Really, that is it... but it could be fun - you never know!

The game ends at 11.59PM (PST) on 27th April 2005

Note: Rule, listings and the game will remain on top of all other blog postings at The Bowl Project posted during today.

Day of Randomites

2005-04-27T07:39:00.000-07:00

Where to play elsewhere today:

Down for Repairs
Phin's Blog
Kate Spot
Bobo's blog
Manic Viking
Wendi's Wacky World
Meanderings
On the Fritz
View from the Bunker

Go along and join in the fun! If you aren't listed, lemme know! :)

Reminders

2005-04-26T20:10:00.000-07:00

Sadie is answering the next installment of Diva says so get your questions in by Thursday evening!

New fins in the tank!

2005-04-26T20:06:00.000-07:00

Well, yes, as some of you may have read in the comments earlier, Spot was rumored to have died earlier today... but he is back, alive and ~~kicking~~ swimming. Except he is now a she. ;)

I have morphed into a new shape also, tired of the old one which was becoming diseased and wearisome, I am even more Puffy than before.

Other new members to the Project Bowl includes:

Charlie Daniels or Charlie D the crab. A fun and entertaining chap who eats all our crap. Literally!
Miele and Electra, two cories who are relatives of Sebo who sadly passed away to fishy heaven recently.
Bling the alien sucker fish who is FUCKING huge but getting beat up by Miele, the smallest fish in the tank. The ratio is about 20:1 between them!!!
Francisco the ~~gay~~ pretty boy ~~yuppie~~ guppie!
And a favorite of mine, Maja the bubble-bee [sic] fish. Cute! ;)

Ahem... moving right along...

2005-04-26T16:44:00.000-07:00

I stole this from Kathy who nabbed it from Sheila. I rue the moment I even took this test...

Your Brain is:
86.67% Female
13.33% Male
You have the brain of a girly girl
Which isn't a bad thing at all
You're emphatetic, caring, and in tune with emotions.
You're a good friend and give great advice.
What Gender Is Your Brain?

Now you just shush, Sadie! :P And you too Silk! :P I'm thinking I should have waited until The Wizard went on his fishing trip tomorrow before I posted this... oh the shame...

*shakes head*

(Almost) Daily Surf Selection - April 26th, '05

2005-04-26T11:26:00.000-07:00

Va-va Voom, who stands 5'11 (ish) provides advice to all the tall chicks out there on her main blog whilst she provides more guidance over at Will's Angels regarding the question of how young girls should dress - with a healthy dose of Audrey Hepburn based education! Sit up and take notes from the fashion Princess!

Earlier Him or His and Her's posted his reply to one of the nasty hate comments received at their new site. For my two cents, I have met both authors in real life, they look great together and even let me ~~swing~~ drink with them! This couple have a long and fabulous future together! Take this as a heads up on a great new blog if you haven't discovered it yet!

Yesterday Jamesy got a free high at work and makes a bust - neither of this has anything to do with cleavage or the red light district though so porn hunters take note! :P

And because I haven't given a surf selection for a couple of days, the overdue nod to the insight from The Wizard regarding the Origins of our Culture is TOTALLY worth a read!

Kudos to you all!

The Men's Club: Puff's Retort # 6

2005-04-26T08:25:00.000-07:00

So the date was a disaster and you just can't wait to get away from the girl. She tells you she will call you in the morning... perhaps it is morning and she has already made the call and is on the phone now... you need to end this quick before she starts believing this was more than a single date and that she is having a relationship with you... listen guys, this is what you say:

"Well, I never got to tell you earlier, darling, but I'm getting on Lord Berkley's Knob (Scotland) before going to Wank (Germany) and after Climax (Colorado, USA) there's Seymen (Turkey). Then, a little later, it will be time to move on to Arsoli (Lazio, Italy) which always leads to Brown Willy (Cornwall, UK) but if you are interested in Lickey End (West Midlands, UK) then I will demand that I reach Twatt (Orkney, UK) before the end of the evening. In the morning I will go diving in Muff (Northern Ireland) and hopefully, by then, it is clear though that I love Wet Beaver Creek (Australia) and as long as I get to spend all the time I want in Beaver (Oklahoma, USA) and feel the warmth of Intercourse (Pennsylvania, USA) then this relationship may have a chance. Of course that is very different to other adventures like Sexymoan (Luzon, Philippines) from Dong Rack (Thailand-Cambodia Border) which always is fun. So I would like to invite you on this journey and if you come I will insist you sample the local juices from Dildo (Newfoundland, Canada) which often originate from Dongo (Congo) as long as you first try the local cream from Nobber (Donegal, Ireland). A quick visit to Tittybong (Australia) will always lead to Wankendorf (Schleswig-Holsen, Germany) though when you leave you will probably still be in that place known as Hold with Hope (Greenland)..."

So when she doesn't get the hint, tell her that you are really leaving and if she persists to know where you are going, just look at her and say "Fuku" (Shensi, China) which will then lead to her friends getting all bitchy. Don't worry about that though, say "Fukum" (Yemen) if they bother you.

I would then suggest you take a holiday at Shag Island in the Indian Ocean. I'm sure it didn't get its name for nothing and, if it is an Island, chances are they don't have phones. ;)

To read the other (less rude) thoughts on this subject, check out the Divas as you can read Kathy's Rules, Feisty's Fears where Silk posts soon and Sadie looks at the circumstances.

Those other fine gents from the Men's Club are also posting on the subject matter: The Wizard anticipates the call that never comes whilst Phin examines those three words ~~Let's get naked~~ I'll call you and Zonker is also yet to post.

Mailbag: Part IV

2005-04-25T21:59:00.000-07:00

From: Neateye  
To: Puffy
Date: Apr 21, 2005 6:30 PM
Subject: Gouranga

Call out Gouranga be happy!!!
Gouranga Gouranga Gouranga ....
That which brings the highest happiness!!

Obviously spam yet it roused great curiosity in me. I decided to look up the word Gouranga in the Urban Dictionary. I cross referenced it with Wikipedia. They are of one accord:

Gouranga has been defined as follows:

A word that appears on moterway bridges in north west UK. It’s only purpose to annoy drivers who are left with a nagging curiosity for the rest of their day until the next day when it ceases to become important ever again.

Almost fascinating. Key words there are North and England... Silk, are you to blame for this??? :P

Day of Random Rules

2005-04-25T14:06:00.000-07:00

ran·dom
adj. Having no specific pattern, purpose, or objective.

Dear Blog reading friends, fans of the blogging memes and other such hoo-har,

On Wednesday 27th April 2005 the Day of Random beings. To play simply title a thread in your blog "Day of Random" and post just one word in that post. The first random word which filters into your brain. Enable comments and then your visitors should leave a one word reply of randomness in response to your blogged word: the first word that came into their mind! Each of your blogging visitors then should do the same on their blogs, starting off with their own random word and seeing what randomness their visitors inspire... are you up for chaotic randomness of silly words that could follow?

Edit for clarity to some questions: You can post more than once in the comments but not consecutively! You are encouraged to run a similar posting on your own blog.

It would be worth posting these rules in advance to prepare folks for the bizarre moment which will momentarily hit your blog.

Puffy.

Carnage...

2005-04-24T21:59:00.000-07:00

A major disease has struck the Project Bowl and we have seen the passing of several fish. Goodbyes to Tit & Tat, Bing, Sunny D, Eureka, Ricky and Lucy.

Only a few of us remain: Lava, Sebo, Hoover, Spot and myself. It is now a case of survival. May the best fish win...

Wishful Thinking...

2005-04-23T12:28:00.000-07:00

Kathy at Cake Eater Chronicles tagged me with this little piece of blogging fun so here goes my questions, answers and three bloggers that I am tagging...

If I could be a chef... I'd cook dishes from all over the world.

If I could be a doctor... I would make this my philosophy. (Turn speakers up!) Ahem. ;)

If I could be a proctologist... I would never lose touch with those I have met during my life because I could look up old friends. Ahem.

If I could be a bonnie pirate... I would sail into Port Royal where it would be my intention to commandeer one of the ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, raid, pillage, plunder and otherwise pilfer my weasely black guts out.

If I could be a writer... I would write something entertaining and funny though the odds would be like if you took an infinite number of monkeys and an infinite number of typewriters...

Time to pass on the meme, so here's how it works. Following there is a list of different occupations. You must select at least five of them. You may add more if you like to your list before you pass it on (after you select five of the items as it was passed to you). Of the five you selected, you are to finish each phrase with what you would do as a member of that profession. Then pass it on to three fine bloggers.

Here's that list:
If I could be a scientist...
If I could be a farmer...
If I could be a musician...
If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter...
If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary...
If I could be a chef...
If I could be an architect...
If I could be a linguist...
If I could be a psychologist...
If I could be a librarian...
If I could be an athlete...
If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an innkeeper...
If I could be a professor...
If I could be a writer...
If I could be a backup dancer...
If I could be a llama-rider...
If I could be a bonnie pirate...
If I could be a midget stripper...
If I could be a proctologist...
If I could be a TV-Chat Show host...

And I pick... hmm... Va-va, Silk and Jamesyboy to answer the grand old questions next!

Screen Grab of the Day # 3

2005-04-23T11:11:00.000-07:00

Hmmm!

Week In Review [16:2005]

2005-04-22T23:30:00.000-07:00

New Balls Please?
Chicago Cubs' Nomar Garciaparra lies on the ground after hitting into a third-inning double play against the St. Louis Cardinals last Wednesday.

In an unrelated story Chinese men are told not to be ashamed of the size of their penises whilst American men just averaged 3.46 inches. Flaccid.

Photo:

2005-04-21T20:33:00.000-07:00

Introductory Babbles within the Bubbles and the insanity you would expect from The Project Bowl. All I can say is... Great Horny Toads!

MP3 File

Note: We will be working on improving audio quality, but it is tricky with a mic in the waters...

(Almost) Daily Surf Selection - April 20th, '05

2005-04-20T17:42:00.000-07:00

The deep philosophizing Wizard has some thought provoking words for a Wednesday and remember... if it is hump day then it has to be White Trash day over at Sadie's joint. Ahem. Go checkeroonies!!!

ISOU gives a ~~fucking hilarious~~ serious warning for our youth, so folks: WAKE UP to the truth! ;)

And a special thanks to a possible promised gift-aid package from two hot bloggers. Silk is sending off her 'Don't forget ol' Blighty' package tomorrow and I may have ~~charmed~~ convinced young Kate into mailing me her last (few) box(es) of Thin Mints!

Yay! ;)

Screen Grab of the Day # 2

2005-04-20T09:26:00.000-07:00

Just, ahem, browsing around and I was wondering who the hell Brian Fergeson was...

So I did a Google search and found this man:

And I find myself asking... does he have a chat show? I think the person meant Craig Ferguson, the funny scotsman who hosts, well, The Late Late Show!

I won't mention any names though because I'm just really chuffed they like Craig as he is a top blokey who keeps us entertained in the wee hours. Unless, of course, they meant Brian... then I'm really stumped!

Site Maintenance...

2005-04-19T23:46:00.000-07:00

Just some additions and changes to the template and a few more to come in the morning. Finally got my blogroll sorted (yes, I know, some of you are thinking 'about bloody time') as I have spent all this time blogging in various places and forms and only just signed up! Why? It just never appealed to me until young Kate, stand-in Diva, won me over when I popped over to her site today. So a big hat-tip to you, my darling. I think it will settle into place and notify of site updates (yadda yadda) once it has had a chance to find its sea-legs.

A new exciting feature coming up later today is the long awaited The Project Bowl: The Audio Expansion - so keep your eyes peeled for that! ;)

Also, big apologies for those who tried to comment earlier in the blog but ran into probs (thanks for the two peeps who e-mailed to notify me!) and hopefully that is also resolved!

One final addition. I was sucked in to sign up for MySpace at the end of last week which now has its linkage in the right sidebar. Feel free to join up ('cos it's free after all)... and it can be quite a laugh just seeing what ~~dickweeds~~ nice people are on there. Actually, there are some nice people on there... just they are in a minority... entertaining place if you need to pass 5 minutes of your day!

Peace out, as someone once said. I think he died though so be careful!

The Men's Club: Puff's Retort # 5

2005-04-19T13:49:00.000-07:00

How do I approach the subject of "Getting ready: Men vs Women" as the topic to tackle for The Men's Club/Demystifying Divas Tuesday Special? Simple. By observing those with who I live and/or have lived with.

Va-va takes four hours because she takes a nap in between everything she does. Well, let us maybe understand what we mean by the term "nap" as by that we really mean "sex" and this could be sex in the shower, sex in the bed, sex in the closet, sex in the city, sex in the.... you get the idea.

La-la doesn't take any time at all. At least not when she is getting ready to go grocery shopping first thing on a Sunday afternoon after she has woken from a drinking session the night before. She just goes and shops in her PJ's.

Hailz takes FUCKING ages to get ready and she usually starts 4 days before she goes out. You should never interrupt her when she is busy with such duties.

CK would wear every single piece of clothing in her closet... twice... before finally deciding. She would then go and ask Laura for advice who would then refer her to Hailz who would start to panic because she was interrupting her 'getting ready' stage but would take time out to take her to the shops.

Laura was always considered the annoying one because she had really gorgeous hair but didn't have to do anything to it to get ready. It was just naturally like that. She also knew that but considered going to the gym as part of 'getting ready' to go out - even it if was to go to work. Kind of fun to go swimming at 5am (which CK enjoyed too) but if it was for a night out poor Laura would be aching just a couple of hours into the evening's proceedings.

Now a look at the guys. That is just Wesley (well, I guess we have to class him as a guy) and the delectable Stigmata.

Wes was always a big girl about getting ready and would follow routines similar to all of the above... minus the sex as he would just end up napping for real. Until he was married he was thin, single and neat. So gay then. The marriage, sadly, ended that theory... unless he was trying to bluff us...

Stigmata is fairly well manicured but alas ADD often sets in part way through the grooming procedure and he gets easily distracted by Va-va's naked, semi-naked, clothed, semi-naked, naked, wet and naked, semi-naked and naked states which is not a set order of states she can be found in when she is getting ready. She does seem to have a fascination with, what she likes to call, his 'hot ass' and is happy to just look and stare it at. Well, looking turns to touching. Touching turns to kissing. Before you know it they are having sex. Again. *le sigh*

My conclusion? Everyone is different and depending on what day it is, where the moon is in orbit and if there is sex involved can really alter the chain of events. I do find though that the female body in the state of disdress [sic & groan] to be a wonderful sight to behold. Ahem. Bygones.

Make sure you go and read the other articles in this series...
The Demystifying Divas: Sadie, KateSpot (filling in for Feisty in her absence), Silk and Kathy.
The Men's Club: Phin, The Wizard and Zonker.

I spent like three hours shading the upper lip...

2005-04-18T23:10:00.000-07:00

Last week, Japanese scientists explaced... placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Loch Ness to blow Nessie out of the water. Sir Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland's local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally...

GOSH! ;)

Bogart of the Rings

2005-04-17T22:11:00.000-07:00

Watch the Original Lord of the Rings movie starring Humphrey Bogart, Sidney Greenstreet and Peter Lorrie.

Hat tip for this: La-la.

Friend of a friend's sister...

2005-04-17T18:46:00.000-07:00

So Stigmata goes to uptown last night for a few drinks, Va-va and La-la are always fun to take out, and he meets up with a mutual friend who we shall call Paddy. Paddy is a fine chap. He isn't Irish but drinks like one.

Now Paddy has a friend who has a sister. This blog entry is about her and is directly from the mouth of Stigmata when he sat down to tell me about this episode. Note: Anything in [ ] is what he wanted to say but didn't. Over to Stigmata...

I walk into the bar after exiting the restroom. The person I have never seen before walks up and her first words to me - spoken obnoxiously in front of everyone - were: "Hi, do you have a girlfriend or doesn't that matter?" before putting her arms around me for a hug not even waiting for a reply.

"Here's a lush," I thought to myself attempting to remove her arms from my neck as I told her I am dating someone who is sitting RIGHT THERE. Her name sounds a lot like Lush, so we shall call her that.

After a few of her girlfriends show up I am able to extract myself from them and head back to my seat next to Va-va. My first words to her...

"Help darling! FOAF's sister is hitting on me..."

She laughs and winks giving me that "look behind you" gaze.

I look behind.

Lush was sticking her breasts out in my direction as she grabs the barseat next to me. I have Va-va on my right and ~~a lush~~ Lush on my left.

"So did I tell you...?" she says

"No, we only just met and we didn't converse [you merely pushed you breasts in my face] and you didn't tell me anything..."

"I'm 28 how old are you?"

"Uh... 27..."

"I guess your girlfriend there is much younger than you and you need someone closer to your age, I'm your age and I can understand you... We can relate to each other. I know guys like you and your needs, these girls are far too young to ever..." She continued to help as I turned my head to Va-va.

"Help me darling..." I mouthed to her with Lush seeing.

"Oooh no," Va-va whispered back, "I'm just happy being smug you are mine. All mine!"

I turn my head back to Lush.

"...and so I have this joke that is really funny... blah blah blah..." and then she laughs with the most obnoxious laugh - ever!

I fake laugh. I look at Va-va. I mouth the words H-E-L-P. She just grabs my knee and smirks. No help from that direction obviously. Why do I have to get the freaks?

"...but wait, I have this other joke that is really really funny..."Lush said getting far to excited.

I confess I don't listen. I don't hear the joke at all. I don't hear a single fucking word she says. My life is flashing before my eyes much like people experience before they die. I just wait until she pauses and laughs and then I laugh back. I laugh hard with a horrible fake laugh. I laugh looking around the bar and then look directly at Va-va and roll my eyes.

"No seriously, help me!" I plead quietly.

Eventually (but not soon enough) we leave the bar and walk eleventy billion blocks to another one. There are hundreds of fucking bars in between hither and dither.

We stand inside, drinking a cocktail, when she walks in with her friends.

Oh. My. God.

I turn to and gaze into Va-va's eyes keeping my back to Lush. La-la notices that Lush and her merry friends give them dirty looks. She had been doing that all evening. Lush walks up and, pushing her breasts out, squeezes by me to get to the bar.

There were two problems with this move:
1. There was no need for her to squeeze past as there is 4 feet of space between myself and the wall.
2. I am not a breast person, this doesn't turn me on. Ever. I'm a leg man. Va-va has perfect legs. I need not apply elsewhere.

As she finally clambers past me as if she is trying to get through a crowd at Paddington Station during rush hour rubbing her body against me as much as possible she turns and, pushing her breasts out, she grabs my arms and uses the, "Oh my gosh I didn't see you there! Fancy seeing you here! How are you doing? Long time no see!" line

Yes. Let's admit it. There is nothing like an older woman who ACTS LIKE A FUCKING 5th GRADER and she thinks I want an older woman who acts like that? I can only say WTF?

It was the most hilarious experience ever and I cannot believe she had the ~~balls~~ breasts to hit on me in front of my girlfriend continually. I cannot believe my girlfriend just sat there and watched although she was happy to just let her arms rest around me, touch my head and rub smugness into the Lush's face with the "he is mine, all mine and not yours you stinky pirate hooker!" face. That is a cute face that Va-va pulls.

I confess though that there is an unbelievable feeling when the girl you love gets smug about being exclusively yours and you exclusively hers. That feeling cannot be beat! ;)

Week In Review [15:2005]

2005-04-16T14:18:00.000-07:00

First up, someone asked what the numbers meant at the end of the WiR subject title. Simple, it refers to the week of the year we are in (15 of 52) and the year. That said and done, on with the news. Just a brief one this week...

Bogus Blogwits
Nothing witty to say about it... except that they are obviously addle-pated muttonheads, which, incidently, seems to be word of the week. Please just be aware of this folks and (hopefully you don't need reminding) just keep your eyes peeled and security on your computers up to date!
Related article:
Bogus blogs snare fresh victims

Are you just happy to see me?
Now the bulge in your pocket will be even bigger and even more impressive as the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy web site goes mobile! Big news for small-shoed people I'm sure. :P
Related articles:
Hitchhiker's Guide in your Pocket
Hitchhiker Web Site

Irish Games

2005-04-15T21:59:00.000-07:00

A game after my own heart... time to pour myself a drink methinx...

Hap tit¹ for this image: The Wizard. Merci monsieur!

¹ Sorry. Too much to drink. I meant 'Hat tip'. Ahem... bygones ;)

Scheduled Maintainence

2005-04-15T00:14:00.000-07:00

There is a Scheduled System Maintenance from the folks who are hosting images for this site. The bastards. It is set for 1-3am MST. You just have to use your wild imaginations to pretend I have all the images on this site...

(Almost) Daily Surf Selection - April 14th, '05

2005-04-14T09:58:00.000-07:00

A quick round up of the day sees a lot of insightful blogging left, right and, well, straight down the middle.

The Wizard gives The Definitive Answer on who enjoys sex more: men or women. This tickled me. In purely platonic ways I assure you!

Sadie has been teasing us all day with Deja Duo and if you have any ideas who she is talking about maybe you could win... well, nothing other than a smug look on your face when she lets us know. Spill it!!!

The Dax Files talks about crickets... not the jolly English game which I am missing terribly being in the Brave New World and having to watch a 'evo-native alternative' where they have odd-shaped bats and no wickets... but rather those shrillsome little critters that 7-year old boys seem fond of. I must confess I rather enjoyed the delving into the past post and is one of my top favorite reads of the week, so thank you sir!

Wil Wheaton speaks of privacy and encourages us all to geek out because of our rights - not because we have anything to hide... whilst David Duchovny (who was fantastic last night on The Late Show with David Letterman - shame on you if you didn't catch it!) video blogs over at his House of D site!

And finally, a self-plug here as I was coerced into joining MySpace a couple of days ago. Feel free to jump me over there if you are a member! ;)

Screen Grab of the Day # 1

2005-04-14T08:46:00.000-07:00

I'd like to present a new feature to Project Bowl in which I will grab a snap shot of something online which amused me, riled me, tickled me or generally entertained me. Today's opener practically killed me with cachinnation. I awoke from my short sleep (no complaints on why it wasn't z-infested though... ahem...bygones) and surfed about the 'net waiting for G-Mail to sort its jolly ass out. It was then I discovered the following in the profile of Va-va over at MySpace.

I am a little lost for words with this smirk upon my face...

Thanking the Blog 'Fracas' Movement

2005-04-13T21:33:00.000-07:00

What drives the human psyche when it comes to the voyeurism and engrossment in arguments, controversy and hot-blooded discussions?

The observation:

"Why does it take controversy to find a good blog?"

made by the infamous Mr Anderson in a comment on this very blog last evening was insightful. I wake this morning to find I am perhaps not the only person who pondered his words during the twilight hours. Ruth takes the thought to the next level which now pushes me to the point of needing to thog¹.

The recent trend of reality TV shows has highlighted the apparent need to watch embroilment or push the boundaries of risquisticism². The majority water-cooler conversations and tabloid articles when I was back in the UK were not about how well behaved people were on those annoying shows but about the fights and sexual antics that took place. Controversy drives us, motivates us and spurs us on in so many different ways. But seriously, who gives a fuck what the ~~WizBang~~ Witless Wonder craps out on his blog, so long as, for the 3 minutes of me actually 'giving a damn' and going to his site, it enabled me to find other good blogs to digest and add to my daily surf routine.

Hmm, but the real question is do I have to give credit where credit is due to this addle-pated muttonhead?

1 thog: a merging of the words think and blog to form a new word meaning to contemplate and write (blog) in a stream of consciousness form. a phishism³.
² a made up word so get over it.
³ phishism: inspired by the great Richard Fish, author of Fishism's, Puffy has, through the years and incarnations of blogging, finally found his own place of immortality in words: Phishism's. Legal notice: this has nothing to do with band Phish or have any connection to the use of the word jacuzzi.

Revenge of the l33t5p34k

2005-04-12T22:31:00.000-07:00

The new Star Wars III trailer with l33t subtitles. For all you geeks and gamers out there [ahem: Va-va] you will enjoy this! :P

Effing hilarious! G'night all! :)

Judge Puffy

2005-04-12T22:25:00.000-07:00

It seems that many of the sweet American's I meet are intent on calling it Legos. It's not. It is Lego. I would like to present a copy of the legal statement from Lego themselves which states otherwise. The word Lego is both singular and plural like sheep, congeries, kudos, series, and species. Ahem. Just saying ;)

Other fun word oddities can be found here.

Blog Ethics?: A Fish Perspective

2005-04-12T18:39:00.000-07:00

It's not like me to involve myself in politics of any sort, particularly those of the online nature. I have been reading about a ~~gentleman~~ bloke called Paul at BizWang [sic] who, I discover, is unethical, unetiquette and unworthy to be, what is termed, a worthwhile blogger. Why? Because he spoke out against a blogger, Dan Riehl, who did everything by the book.

You can follow the links from any of the links here and make the discoveries for yourself. Although this is a very new blog home I can also, perhaps, be considered something of a seasoned blogger and for those that do not know me, this is actually my third incarned blog. Though perhaps not as reclused as my last, it is still somewhat incognito from my initial high profiled type-haven.

I am posting this not as a defense of those that I support in this, although Sadie Mirth and David Anderson are two bloggers who I highly respect, but because I have seen this fascist way of thinking too many times before. Some of the best blogs and ones that I read most frequently are not those that have eleventy billion hits a day but rather have a small-core readership. They are not so far up their own ass that they "need an enema" - thank you Ruth (that has to be comment of the week btw over at Fistful of Fortnights!) and I hope the new bloggers to the ethernet take your advice.

That fine [ahem] Irish musician, Derringher, has always said that he would always rather play to an intimate audience than to a gigantic crowd. This is very much how I like to blog. Why? Because the interaction is on a more personal level. You can be sure of touching hearts, lives and people. I'm not interested in big hits or big hitters - I blog for me and for those that enjoy my writings, rambles and occasional witty insights. If this blog gets "discovered" by a vast majority in the mean time, rest assured I won't change or compromise my blogging style, it will remain on that intrinsic level.

Oh and one more thing, unlike the guffer at WizBang, I won't be shitting on ta liddle peeple [sic] who make this world go 'round!, but rather embracing them for being original and not using the worn out 'cut & paste' routine. Not saying... just saying...

(Almost) Daily Surf Selection - April 12th, '05

2005-04-12T14:59:00.000-07:00

Va-va snitches on Stigmata in blogging about conversations of a sleeping Irishman leaving him wonder what else he babbles about.

Jamesy goes in search of a book as he becomes an author whilst Duchovny gives his top 10 songs from the 70's off his iTunes playlist.

WitNit pondered If Metaphors Were Literal and edges my mind to work overtime in wonder "what if..."

Legendary Lara?

2005-04-12T12:46:00.000-07:00

Remember in the most recent Week In Review I mentioned the make over to Lara Croft? Well, a few days ago they unveiled her, so to speak, and after reading Alice's query on this I couldn't help but ponder on how she has been "improved".

Let's look at the basics. They wanted to create a woman that would appeal, was sexy and said "women have power over men" or, in this case, spotty teenagers who have immature fantasies about vast bosoms. So they gave her large boobs. For some weird reason they came to the conclusion that they weren't large enough because she increased in size over the following installments. They were, in actually reality, too large. Uncomfortably large for the eyes, for the lingerie and, indeed, for Lara herself. She even put her back out in 2002 hauling them around. She had face-lift after face-lift and made her lips on the same scale as her breasts (which is possibly why Angelina¹ was cast in the movie as few others in Hollywood have large enough lips) and also the computer Croft had a square jaw that made her look busted. Busty and busted? A real slut image if you ask me.

But maybe this time they have opted for a touch of realism. Click the image to see the enlarged Project Bowl comparison. What do you think? Is the new Lara a winner? She certainly looks a lot more normal now and it seems the creators have thought along the lines of the wonders that Square churn out with their Final Fantasy series.

¹Slight digressional moment: This is apparently Jolie from the forthcoming movie Mr & Mrs Smith... which makes me certain it isn't a remake of the 1941 Robert Montgomery movie of the same title with that outfit on!!!

The Men's Club: Puff's Retort # 4

2005-04-12T09:53:00.000-07:00

Good Girls vs Bad Girls

When asking La-la for her thoughts and definitions on Good Girl / Bad Girl she came up with the following explanation (whilst giving me a full body ~~flash~~ blush):

"Bad girls are the kind that like to be fucked up the ass and then suck you off afterwards... whereas a good girl will do it the other way 'round"

Va-va, however, contests this:

"There are good-bad girls and bad-bad girls. There are also bad-good girls and good-good girls. These can then be broken down into the following definitions: Bad-bad girls have syphilis and don't give a damn where good-bad girls will slut out with cautions. Bad-good girls like to play rough but know where to draw the line where as good-good girls are born again virgins."

So how does a fish approach this unusual subject in an article for The Men's Club? By answering those burning question, naturally!

What do men want in a woman?
Long term means the good girls always win. This kind settle down, have kids and live in a big house with a white picket fence. The bad girls live in the fast lane with their latex thigh-highs and live for the moment.

Bad girls are great for a one night stand but a bad mother for a future with decent kids. More than anything, most men tend to like breasts, legs and a choocha in a woman. There is a minority of men that like those "chicks with d*cks" girls. These girls would be particularly BAD girls! Ahem. Bygones.

Can bad girls ~~cum~~ come around?
Yes they can. ~~Several times a night~~. They can reform from their ways and good luck to them!

Does kinky make a girl bad?
No. Everyone has a little kinky in them. Everyone should have a little Irish in them too. ;) Remember, kinky doesn't make a girl bad... but a bad girl should be punished with kinky sex.

Are good girls dull?
Only after they become born again virgins.

So which is preferred by the majority of men? A good girl or bad girl?
The answer is as straight forward as my opening gambit. Men want a bit of both but tending toward the bad-good girl scenario. The sweet, trustworthy and loyal good chick with the wild sexual pussy cat of the bad chick.

Do these kind of girls even exist?
I can say, with utmost assurance... yes! ;) And gentlemen, when you find such a girl, hold her close, love her, woo her, treat her well with the love and respect that she deserves. Remember she is a woman - an equal - and yet, at the same time, that she is a princess, a tender goddess and worthy of all your affections and attentions. Give her time, love and romance...

...and come bed time - she will fuck your brains out!

Make sure you go and read the other articles in this series. The girls are taking the flip side of the coin with the subject of Good Boy / Bad Boy so check the Demystifying Divas: Sadie, Feisty, Silk and Kathy. Whilst The Men's Club continue the theme found here so check out Phin and The Wizard.
Zonker is taking a wee break this week. And by 'wee break' I don't mean that he is having toilet troubles.

Insightful

2005-04-11T23:33:00.000-07:00

But I must explain to you how all this mistaken idea of denouncing pleasure and praising pain was born and I will give you a complete account of the system, and expound the actual teachings of the great explorer of the truth, the master-builder of human happiness. No one rejects, dislikes, or avoids pleasure itself, because it is pleasure, but because those who do not know how to pursue pleasure rationally encounter consequences that are extremely painful. Nor again is there anyone who loves or pursues or desires to obtain pain of itself, because it is pain, but because occasionally circumstances occur in which toil and pain can procure him some great pleasure.

To take a trivial example, which of us ever undertakes laborious physical exercise, except to obtain some advantage from it? But who has any right to find fault with a man who chooses to enjoy a pleasure that has no annoying consequences, or one who avoids a pain that produces no resultant pleasure?

On the other hand, we denounce with righteous indignation and dislike men who are so beguiled and demoralized by the charms of pleasure of the moment, so blinded by desire, that they cannot foresee the pain and trouble that are bound to ensue; and equal blame belongs to those who fail in their duty through weakness of will, which is the same as saying through shrinking from toil and pain.

These cases are perfectly simple and easy to distinguish. In a free hour, when our power of choice is untrammelled and when nothing prevents our being able to do what we like best, every pleasure is to be welcomed and every pain avoided. But in certain circumstances and owing to the claims of duty or the obligations of business it will frequently occur that pleasures have to be repudiated and annoyances accepted.

The wise man therefore always holds in these matters to this principle of selection: he rejects pleasures to secure other greater pleasures, or else he endures pains to avoid worse pains.

- Cicero's de Finibus Bonorum et Malorum [45 BC]

In Fishing Memory... #2

2005-04-11T19:11:00.000-07:00

Princess Peach
22nd March - 11th April

It was a painful afternoon, Princess Peach was the life and soul of the household. She was pregnant too but, sadly, she died earlier today. We recorded our first video blog in loving memory of her with some footage of the fun we all had together over the ~~years~~ days, some of our field trips and also snippets of the service. May she swim in peace.

Ladies and germs, we present The Life & Death of Princess Peach.

Feel free to lay your respects on the elucidation link. Any and all donations will be spent on a booze up in her memory.

A quiet weekend...

2005-04-11T00:18:00.000-07:00

...on the blog front and for that I apologize. Hope you are sleeping well and for those in Europe who are just waking up and going to work for your Monday dose of labor... here is a little something to pass the time. :)

I'm off to bed... pip-pip!

(Almost) Daily Surf Selection - April 10th, '05

2005-04-10T14:58:00.000-07:00

There is still time... the 25 word challenge isn't over yet over at Phin's place!

And if you want to suffer your brain a little, Silk sent us over this little puzzle which kept us amused for an hour or so... I would like to add it is possible to complete! It's just a ~~stinker~~ thinker! You may enjoy wasting your Sunday or it - or you may rather use it to pass your Monday morning work blues in the 'morrow! :)

Hot Diva...

2005-04-08T14:06:00.000-07:00

...in the hot seat. Diva ~~sex~~ sez is back with Feisty flexing her wordage! A fine job too...

Week In Review [14:2005]

2005-04-08T13:41:00.000-07:00

A new feature to Friday's here at the Bowl, I will be looking at my news picks which caused a smirk upon my face...

Tomb Raider Goes Down
The graphic with the big breasts is getting an ambush make-over, Lara Croft is seeing changes as her founder, Eidos, is hooking up with a new sugar-daddy, rival company SCI. This is going to be interesting as Eidos have actually been working on giving her a make-over. So are they going to slim down the breasts this time? Are they going to pad her out a little around the middle? Or are they going to still keep her painfully disproportioned to appeal to the geeky teenagers? Toby Gard has returned as the lead character designer to "reinvigorate" her. That should be an interesting job description for his CV, but seriously, does he just have an odd fantasy about how he likes his women?
Related articles:
Lara Croft firm swaps bid support

Shooting the Pope
To me there is something a little sick about taking photos of a dead body. But there seemed a wealth of people happy to whip out their cell phones and take a picture of the Pope laying in state. I ask myself why. I guess it will usher in a whole new (and somewhat innocent) meaning to the phrase "taking a poke at a stiff pontiff."
Related articles:
Snapping the dead pope on a camera phone

Not so long ago in a movie theatre far far away
A group of Star Wars fans are queueing outside the cinema to see the new motion picture... even though it doesn't open for another 7 weeks. The only problem is that it is the wrong movie house... and they are still refusing to move. Their only hope now, I guess, is if they get to speak to the honcho and can use some Jedi mind control on them...
Related articles:
'Wrong queue' for Star Wars fans

News In Brief:

Galactic pancake mystery solved
That is going to be one bitch to toss...

Early hominid 'cared for elderly'
So basically, the old fossils took care of the old fossils...

O.M.G.

2005-04-08T11:27:00.000-07:00

I'm a daddy!!!

It is slightly concerning that I'm a cherry-popping daddy...

...perhaps she means I'm a sugar-daddy?

Deeply touched though at the kind words [blush] and proud to know a pair of sweethearts that Celeste and Silk are.

The G-Mail Rival?

2005-04-07T22:38:00.000-07:00

No more wack-ass shit.

Yo clicky.

(Almost) Daily Surf Selection - April 7th, '05

2005-04-07T21:59:00.000-07:00

Whilst she knows I am filled with pride and admiration for all she has and is accomplishing, my dear friend Ally McBeal provides some wise words of wisdom for all the lawyer wannabe's.

As you may remember, a shameless plug was made on this web site a few days ago for a new blog. The first installment of the first assignment has been posted by La-la. This web site is a ~~harem~~ haven for a group of female bloggers who wanted to post on various subject matters that were close to their heart in a single place. They asked me to introduce each subject and so, ladies and germs, I present, Will's Angels.

Phin runs a report on one of my greatest fears, Clowns, and whilst I tip my hat to the fin(e) gentleman, I would like to thank him for being a fount of knowledge over the past few days and sending me over the fonts and links which helped with my latest stint of artisms.

And finally, the delightful Feisty caps off the night with an thought provoking quote.

Until tomorrow... g'night!

Jingle of the Month

2005-04-07T21:58:00.001-07:00

It's Hard to Stay Up
It's Been a Long, Long Day and You Got the Sandman at the Door
But Hang On, Leave the TV On and Let's Do It Anyway
It's OK, You Can Always Sleep Through Work Tomorrow, OK?
Hey Hey
Tomorrow's Just a Future Yesterday.

The fine jingle of The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson!

Curious...

2005-04-07T21:58:00.000-07:00

...but how many people can you name from the new Project Bowl banner featured at the top of this page?

Sorry no prizes due to the tight budget we operate on. Maybe I will make a special button for your site... who knows?

For those easily entertained...

2005-04-06T17:11:00.000-07:00

...apparently this is "old" but for me, a dancing purple hippo was news.

Fuel Injection

2005-04-06T16:57:00.000-07:00

Introducing the new sidebar which includes Fuel Injection Monitor so you can see what goes into this blog. Yep, it was a slow afternoon! :P

Respects Paid

2005-04-06T13:40:00.000-07:00

Prince Rainier, husband of one of my all-time heroine's, Grace Kelly, passed away today.

The Story of the Persistent

2005-04-06T12:41:00.000-07:00

If you are a fan of Wile E Coyote, Scrat from Ice Age, like to laugh at silly slapstick or have 5 minutes to spare at work and want to know how to fill it, then this series entitled: "The ongoing story of the persistent attempts to get to the other side" is worth a watch. Some of them are hilarious! The only thing missing is that there is no sound but hey, if you don't have any speakers at work you aren't going to miss out on anything! :P

Thanks to Silk for sending this to me earlier! :)

(Almost) Daily Surf Selection - April 5th, '05

2005-04-05T20:37:00.000-07:00

The winner for tonight is the gutsy Phin who posted four images of pop ~~tarts~~ stars as the images of our four Divas... I hope Phin knows a good hiding spot. Ahem. Pun intended. ;)

For those of you who have not yet ventured over to David Duchovny's blog (yes, that is right, Mulder from The X-Files) which I have linked to since I discovered it a couple of weeks ago, then you may not have seen the trailer to his forth coming movie, The House of D, starring, amongst others, himself, Robin Williams and Erykah Badu. This movie, regardless of what genre you are a fan of, looks highly promising and worth a watch! Check the trailer out here.

Llama?

2005-04-05T20:05:00.000-07:00

I find myself asking... why am I laughing at this? It is strangely addictive... enjoy!

Mailbag: Part III

2005-04-05T14:05:00.000-07:00

Mail in my box which begged a reply... please read this ~~scam~~ sincere letter I received carefully as my reply follows.

Hello,
I am Mr. Cole Smith, an auditor of a reputable bank in Johannesburg, Gauteng Province in the Republic of South Africa. I have an urgent and very confidential business proposition for you. We had a foreign client named Mr. Chung Timothy, who deposited a huge sum of money (18.6 Million United States Dollars), with our bank. Eventually, Mr Timothy died in a plane crash and since his death we have not had anybody come up for the claims as the next of kin.

You may want to take a look at other passengers, who were on the same plane; here is a site for your perusal. Click to view CNN article.

A situation I have monitored closely with my position in the bank. Now having monitored this deposit and managed it over the years before his death, and hence nobody has showed up as the next of kin for the past years. I now solicit for your assistance to present you as the next of kin as every other arrangement/ processes will be monitored by me and my partners involved. However I got your contact from a trade consultant here in South Africa, though I did not disclose the purpose of my seeking for a foreign business partner to him. Although we will still have to sign some agreement before the final transfer of the fund into any of your designated bank account.

I have involved a very senior official in the operational department, and we have agreed that after the transfer of the money into your account, you shall be entitled to 20% of the total sum, my colleagues and I will have 75% while 5% will be used to reimburse any expenses incurred. All necessary precautions have been taken to ensure a risk free situation on the side of both parties. Please note that this deal can only take place on the following conditions;

1. Absolute confidentiality and sincerity will be required and guaranteed, considering our positions in the bank.

2. Assurance that our own share will be released to us in good faith when this money finally gets into your account.

Please treat with utmost confidentiality. Contact me as quickly as possible through my e-mail.
Expecting your urgent response,

Best Regards,
MR. Cole Smith

My reply.

Dear Mr Cole

For a shrewd and intelligent businessman who has established himself at a reputable bank I would like to suggest you LEARN how to write proper business letters. I mean to say, what the fuck were you thinking with the opening gambit "hello" which you started with. Are you a freaking moron? I am not some mark at a singles bar so please keep that in mind.

Secondly. You have done research here? I mean, have you seriously done ANY research? I am a FISH and I do not have a bank account. If I had one it would be no good. Have you tried writing a cheque underwater? Have you ever seen an aquarium with an ATM machine in it?

Thirdly, his name is Mr Chung not Mr Timothy. Are you a fucking moron? Chung is his surname (a surname is also known as a "last name" or "family name") you stupid man! The CNN web site listed his surname first when listing those who died in the crash so Chung isn't his first name. If you are going to scam someone can you not at least try and work out what the fuck you are talking about? Can you not at least gather some sort of plan? Can you not at least attempt to research this? I mean, you are smart enough to use a computer, right? You are smart enough to send me spam, right? But you are obviously not smart enough to know this is the oldest fucking trick in the scamming book!

But you know what? I am willing to give you the benefit of doubt here, and maybe trust you.

My name is Ernie Schlimmer. My bank account name is located at New Scotland Yard, London. My account number is 578*****. Please feel free to drop my money there ASAP.

Oh, you can thank me by sending me a postcard from your trip to Australia.

(signed) Puffy

The Men's Club: Puff's Retort # 3

2005-04-05T03:12:00.000-07:00

~~Cheese~~ Cheating

And so the famous cry rings out... "we were on a break!"

Who will ever forget those immortal words screamed by Ross to Rachel on the long running TV show, Friends. It became the eternal joke, the theme, the one liner that had people laughing (or groaning) about the subject of did he/didn't he cheat.

*Ponders for a moment*

But I was drunk when I slept with ~~Sadie~~, ~~Kathy~~, ~~Feisty~~, ~~Silk~~... wait, I'm a fucking fish... I'm always innocent!

I digress.

Did he or didn't he. That is the question. Obviously he cheated. But wait, they were on a break, right? You can't cheat on something you are not together with so it isn't so obvious he didn't? Not to the male mind. And clearly not to the female one. We all have different rules.

Road Trip explains the code - the rules if you will - and it explains them very clearly...

EL: The thing is there are these rules that guys have, an understanding as to what exactly constitutes cheating. Take your situation for example: it's not cheating. It's never cheating when you're in a different area code, not to mention a different state.

Rubin: This is legit, I- I've actually read an article about this. There's a whole bunch of them, it's like- they're like loopholes. Right, for argument's sake, let's say that you were sleeping with two girls at the same time, it- it wouldn't be cheating because they would cancel each other out.

EL: Exactly. Or if, uh, you're too wasted to remember- it is not cheating. Because if you can't really remember it, it never really took place.

But as Barbossa points out in Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl:

The code is more what you'd call "guidelines" than actual rules.

When does the ~~cheerio~~ cheating take place?

Well, if you want to cheat effectively you should hire a hotel or, like in the case of American Beauty, you get a run-down crappy motel. You pay cash for the room and leave a false name (I suggest using the name Ernie Schlimmer). Destroy all clothing that you wore so to avoid the dreaded lipstick/makeup/sex-stench issue and make sure you shower off the other party's scent from your body.

However, if you want to cheat and stab your current lover in the back, I would suggest the "going to your bed 20 minutes before they are due back from work so they can catch you mid-orgasm" approach. Very effective and they should get the point that your relationship is over, broken down and just not going anywhere, though I'm sure that there are a few in this world that wouldn't even get wise with that.

Wait... wait... I mis-read my own question. I meant, "where does the cheating take place?" not "where does the cheat take place?"

Ahem. Disregard my advice above. Police the area. Move along folks, there is nothing to see...

So, by asking, "where does the cheating take place?" I am really asking, "where is the line crossed?"

A look? A touch? A kiss? A grope? A scratch? A sniff? A wink? A charm? A pork?

Perhaps if you are open and honest with your lover you can get away with murder. Figuratively speaking, of course. If not then the murder will not be so figurative and you will see your lover on the most wanted list. From hell.

Not that your lover will be on a most wanted list from hell. Rather you will be in hell and... bygones... I digress.

"Dahling [sic], I am going to see Mandy tonight for a quick hump in the backseat of her car, ok?"

Once you have the written permission then there is no problem. The trick is how you obtain their consent.

Not easy. You need to pull a cunning stunt to be able to get lucky.

Phew! So glad I didn't Spoonerize that line... ahem... bygones!

We here, at The Project Bowl, do not condone cheating. Cheating is defined as "to mislead or to fool" and so we firmly believe in being open and honest about all the people we are humping. As this article shows, the Will/Jada Smith approach is probably the best, although if you get permission the question begs to be asked, "can it then be defined as cheating?"

Permission slips available at the door.

Please go and read the other articles in this series on the subject of Cheating from Demystifying Divas: Sadie, Feisty, Silk and Kathy and The Men's Club: Phin, The Wizard and Zonker.
An additional view can be found by the guy who surfaced and floated this question out, Dax. Thank you, sir.

View from a Bowl

2005-04-04T17:57:00.000-07:00

I made an interesting observation last evening. Stigmata laid on his back whilst he was... now what is the word... pampered, yes, I think that defines it well... he was pampered by Va-va and La-la. Va-va massaged his head whilst La-la rubbed his feet. He merely sighed, laughed and sipped his alcoholic beverage.

These humans are fascinating creatures to watch...

Activities

2005-04-04T14:11:00.000-07:00

Behind the scenes working on the new site... 'tis looking sleeker now methinx!